entah

...apa rasanya
nanti, saat kamu sudah bukan
punya aku lagi.

going back.

sooo yesterday i had my (super ultra late) birthday lunch with my junior high best friends. there were ellen, vero, irena, dwima, dwipa, and dendy. bulan, gege and trissi couldn't make it :( we went to Tekko and had some good laughs.
well, it's no secret that i haven't had much laugh since highschool started. but with them, it's just so easy.

which reminds me why i've been missing them so much. well, i meet dendy everyday in class, but i don't see the others very often. we all get very busy with school that it's really hard just to see each other.

i still remember junior high times, when i'd simply broke down laughing in the middle of the field. didn't care about the people watching, because the jokes were so funny that i lost power on my legs from the laugh.
we'd gather at trissi's house after school, just talking and laughing and ordering food, and the boys would play guitars and maybe we'd go outside to take some pictures. sometimes there were some movies and some biking, and little sisters and brothers would sometimes come along, waiting for mommy to pick us up. and i still remember how time flied so fast everytime we were together.

i remember the sun, the trees, the wind tiptoeing around our blue checkered skirts; the friday uniform, the day we usually gather at trissi's.

i remember how easy it was to laugh. how honest the smiles were, and how innocent our lives were. how simple happiness could be.

being with you guys is so easy. everything come out easily; the words, the laughs, the melodies. the hugs. the friendly touches, just so you know that i'm here, and to make sure that you're here.

i miss it. i miss those feelings. i miss the times when life was so easy, when the only thing we worry about was "how soon i have to get home?"

i miss you guys terribly. like, with all my heart. and yesterday, when (almost) all of us got together again, i just realized how bad i've missed you guys.

and i realized that until now, i'm still in love with them. even with this whole ex-boyfriends & ex-girlfriends thingies, we're still good ;)

i'm deeply in love with them. i want to hug each and everyone of them. i crave them. up to this moment. still.

january 29th

i'm not feeling really well these days. i mean, a lot of things happened, and it's been only a month since 2012 started.
i got 6 days off from school; 3 of them i was sick. had some pretty rough fights with some people. shed some tears, lack of laugh. spent a lot of money; not even on me, but i had quite a joyous time spending it. had a few panic attacks. missed my art assignment, but made it to my mandarin project :)
skipped 2 hours of class for the first time...and got busted. (kind of) lost a best friend. made the captain of the dance team. principal made me one of the school's mc's.
oh and one more thing, not like it's important....i turned 17. yeah, i'm 17. got a surprise from my boy and also friends. got a lot of cake facial. finished reading eat pray love, and currently craving for more books.
and still, a lot of things to get done before january ends. don't even have the strength to fill my ipod with new songs. got on the computer only to work on an assignment, 10 minutes of tumblr, 10 minutes of typing this, and then i'm out. so...i'm out. bye. tomorrow's the thirtieth, by the way. which means......14 months, i guess?

I adore your words, kak

Tak apa terluka sebelanga, katanya
Asal cinta tak lepas dari genggamnya
..Lagi. Sudah cukup tempo kali.

—Michelle Vinca

this jealousy thing.

i just don't get the people who get mad at their lover for getting them jealous.
i mean, doesn't that only drift your lover away from you?
i get jealous too, you know. kind of a lot.
but when i do, i think of the ways so i can be better than that other person. so he can look at me and think that he has me, and that's more than enough.

the deaf world...

...still can't hear me cry.

yeah, i start 2012 with tears, got a problem with that?

november 30th, 2010 - present

so i know that it's been a while, but i haven't got the opportunity to type here.
okay.

happy 1st anniversary, mister. bear. sharkie. polar bear. hot delivery. bregas. kidiw. brad pitt. jerm. okay, i can't remember another names i've given to you anymore.
thank you. thank you. thank you. that's all i can say. well actually, i've said almost everything i want to say in the letter i wrote you, so....yeah.

happy 1st anniversary. 12 months, huh? it's been a roller-coaster ride, if you ask me.
but just like a roller-coaster ride,
though sometimes you're scared, you scream your lungs out, you pray for help, and you think you're going to die
in the end, it was your choice to go on the ride, and the euphoria can sure make you laugh.

so who cares if sometimes, i hate you to the moon and back? who cares if i've cursed your name a thousand times? who cares about how many moments that made me swore to God that i'm gonna make you cry?
you do? well, don't.
because i love you far beyond all those things.

and i know that i can be such an annoying bitch sometimes. well maybe most of the time. and sorry for being so insensitive. and selfish. and everything. sorry.


i'm not asking you to be a perfect classy gentleman, who takes me to a candle light dinner or something. i'm not asking you to sing me a song through the phone every night till i'm asleep. i'm not asking you to be anything.
what i'm asking is
please, don't get tired of me. ever.
and please don't wake up the next morning and thinking that you've had enough of me.
at least, not anytime soon.

so
i can't see what the future brings
but right now,

this is us, standing on the top of the world.
let's make it last forever.

xxx.

wondering which version of you i might get tonight.

so this is really getting on my nerves. like, seriously.
you want a game? i can do games.
but when you lose, accept it like a gentleman and come back to me.

panic attack.

is it me, or is the world just deaf?

i've been wondering lately.
why can't people hear me cry?