the deaf world...

...still can't hear me cry.

yeah, i start 2012 with tears, got a problem with that?

november 30th, 2010 - present

so i know that it's been a while, but i haven't got the opportunity to type here.
okay.

happy 1st anniversary, mister. bear. sharkie. polar bear. hot delivery. bregas. kidiw. brad pitt. jerm. okay, i can't remember another names i've given to you anymore.
thank you. thank you. thank you. that's all i can say. well actually, i've said almost everything i want to say in the letter i wrote you, so....yeah.

happy 1st anniversary. 12 months, huh? it's been a roller-coaster ride, if you ask me.
but just like a roller-coaster ride,
though sometimes you're scared, you scream your lungs out, you pray for help, and you think you're going to die
in the end, it was your choice to go on the ride, and the euphoria can sure make you laugh.

so who cares if sometimes, i hate you to the moon and back? who cares if i've cursed your name a thousand times? who cares about how many moments that made me swore to God that i'm gonna make you cry?
you do? well, don't.
because i love you far beyond all those things.

and i know that i can be such an annoying bitch sometimes. well maybe most of the time. and sorry for being so insensitive. and selfish. and everything. sorry.


i'm not asking you to be a perfect classy gentleman, who takes me to a candle light dinner or something. i'm not asking you to sing me a song through the phone every night till i'm asleep. i'm not asking you to be anything.
what i'm asking is
please, don't get tired of me. ever.
and please don't wake up the next morning and thinking that you've had enough of me.
at least, not anytime soon.

so
i can't see what the future brings
but right now,

this is us, standing on the top of the world.
let's make it last forever.

xxx.

wondering which version of you i might get tonight.

so this is really getting on my nerves. like, seriously.
you want a game? i can do games.
but when you lose, accept it like a gentleman and come back to me.

panic attack.

is it me, or is the world just deaf?

i've been wondering lately.
why can't people hear me cry?

entah apa yang salah sama kita.

tapi,
mau benar atau salah

"kita" tetap "kita".

Bukan sekarang

Ada banyak yang bisa lewat antara kita dan selamanya.
Jarak, misalnya.
Dengan pohon-pohon, rumput, dan bermacam-macam orang yang ada di antaranya.

Atau sifat
Waktu
Teknologi
Banyak.

Tapi
Aku tidak mau mereka lewat sekarang

Ini bukan surat cinta.

Malam, kamu. Maaf, aku jahat ya?
Tapi, kalau
Aku bilang aku sayang kamu
Kamu percaya kan?

so this is how the story goes

once upon a time, there was a boy
who made me think
"be the player, not the game"

sounds awful, i know :\


and now, there's this boy who got me thinking
"fuck playing, i'm all yours"

it's almost been 9 months, chica

can't you be happy for me? i thought you said you love me.
for the sake of my terrible ego, this is what makes me happy.
really?
like, do i really have to feel uncomfortable whenever i'm with you, whenever i wanna share something about him, but i ended up talking about another thing, because i'm scared of what you think of him?